| rough draft |
[August 20th|3.24am] |
|
His hands were all over my body now, removing my clothes faster than I could protest. I remembered a late night in the garden, after he and father had finished talking, a year ago. I stood in the shadows of the flying buttresses, but he knew I was there. When father left, he stayed, staring at me. He knew I worshiped him, the unknown, beautiful and flawless demon. I felt him undressing me with his eyes then, just as feverishly as he was now. I shook, half from excitement, half with horror. Does Maurice intend to take my innocence before the dawn, before the guillotine would take my life? I mused. “Lovely Michel,” he whispered against my neck. “Do not hate me.” Maurice ran a hand down my naked back, easing me back into the straw. If I had felt the cold prison air before, I felt it no longer. I must have made a sound when he slid between my hips, for he pressed a hand against my mouth, and kissed my eyes. His touch, so gentle, was frightening. I knew at any moment he could crush my body. But it was exciting to know the danger, to know that I was safe in his immortal embrace. I didn’t care that he was violating me. I was on fire, a combination with the cold body that dominated my senses. I barely saw the giddy faces of the guards peeking in through the bars and heard myself sob and beg like a virgin from the gutter. He gave me a cheerless smile, and I found that demon again in his eyes. I had dreamed of this over and over, yet I could not love him back as I had in my fantasies. But he was content with my fevered whispers, my girlish begging. I am sure my mind told him all he needed to know. We rocked together in the straw, demon and human, a vision of The Garden of Earthly Delights. And when the bite came, that delicate, succulent pain, I was already lost. As my life was being taken, I saw a little of his. I flew through dark, sacred woods, towering Alps and tiny villages with ruddy German women. There was the statue of David, yet unfinished, and then a city on fire. I saw through his eyes such places I will not remember, but through which I understand his madness. I saw a demon, soulless and strong, feeding upon my spirit. It cried out for death, for destruction, for revolution. I almost pitied him as I felt my heart slow.
For a moment or two, I was at peace. I believed he had shown me mercy, ending my life now instead of having to walk the stairs of la Madame. I was so ready to die, but when my own blood came back, pouring into my mouth, a monster inside me arose and drank. I was frightened of this demon, this hungry thing threatening to take over my spirit completely. Maurice stroked my hair, whispering sweet, wordless things into my ear before taking me again. We rocked together this time, my fingers strong enough to grip his flesh. He was warm, and savage. The beast inside me cried out for the passion, biting into his shoulder. I let it drink. I let it take its pleasure. It was much too late before I realized what I was doing to me. “Mon Dieu,” I cried, “What have you done to me?” My body was still too weak to push him away, and he held me strongly. “Maurice, what—what monstrous thing have you done to me? You have killed me!”
“Ma petite poupée,” he said to me. “I am saving you.” He took my arousal in his hands, but I felt no pleasure, only hate. I shuddered from it, disgusted by my body’s release. When he took my blood again, I closed my mind to him. I could not tell my demon not to drink, however, and so it did.
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| AX 2007 |
[July 6th|5.33pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 ecstatic |
] |
S.K.I.N.
WAS
AWESOME.
I coughed up some blood later because I was screaming so much, but DAMN it was worth it.
GACKT IS JUST AS AWESOME AS I DREAMED.
*crosses off life-list*
[/ooc]
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| ponder |
[June 22nd|6.13pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 apathetic |
] |
How can life get any better right now? I have a great job with many oppuritunies, a handsome and charming boyfriend who likes to patch me up, a beautiful baby boy, wonderful friends, and a down payment on a motorcycle.
And yet why do I feel shadowed? What is holding me back from enjoying myself?
There is someone inside of me that will not let me leave this place.... East Mountain.
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[April 1st|8.26pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 chipper |
] |
SAKUMA RYUICHI'S BIRTHDAY NA NO DA!!!!!!!!
and that's no joke!
yeah. mun entry. >_> this page needs to live again.
|
|
| angel sanctuary |
[March 2nd|8.52am] |
I just spent 10 hours reading Angel Santuary.
And Justin WTF looks like Setsuna. HAHAHA I laugh.
(then again, SOME people are under the belief that I look like Nakano Hiroshi. >___> )
The ending wasn't all depressing like I've heard. I guess Count Cain will be, though.
Kaori Yuki-san is the Queen of Angst.
I'd like to suffer a bloody death if it were by Lucifer. :3
Oh wow. It's time for work. >___>
*yawn*
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[January 29th|9.52pm] |
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Happy Birthday, Haido. :D
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| i win! |
[January 2nd|2.15pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
chipper |
] |
I escaped from the Dungeon of Incoh!I killed Brown Eyes the floating eye, Parox the kobold, Loveless Aura the zombie, Astarte185 the floating eye, Singing Badly the leprechaun, Devilsfinale the minotaur, Fan This the leprechaun and Shadhahvar the rat. I looted the Sceptre of Keaxy, the Crown of Theladyphoenix, the Amulet of Razberrystrike, the Dagger of Guardian Azure, a Figurine of Acquiesce, the Sword of Tea Roses, the Sword of Il Pleut, the Armour of Totalmonochrome, the Wand of Ashenpaw, the Dagger of Bokuwamagnum, the Amulet of Nekodakara, the Crown of Lanie M, the Amulet of Jovially and 125 gold pieces. Score: 425 Explore the Dungeon of Incoh and try to beat this score, or enter your username to generate and explore your own dungeon... |
|
| This isn't fucking fair! |
[January 2nd|2.07pm] |
Imma try again. That damned Vin!
I died in the Dungeon of DevilsfinaleI was killed in a fire-ravaged library by Umbrabutterfly the cockatrice, whilst carrying... the Dagger of Tetsu, the Sword of Weiss Kruz and 25 gold pieces. Score: 12 Explore the Dungeon of Devilsfinale and try to beat this score, or enter your username to generate and explore your own dungeon... |
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[December 31st|11.25pm] |
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Erm. Happy New Years and... shit. Yeah. I miss making mochi.
|
|
| NEEDS A BREAK |
[December 18th|10.04pm] |
Dammit, I'm tired. I need a break. b-r-e-a-k. Didn't pass my Psychocolgy class because my tests and essay sucked ass or something. Hey, learning a new language is hard enough without also learning a scientific terms. Still waiting on my final grade for the remidial english course. I need to finish an essay...like...NOW.... or I might not pass.
Work is fine. I'm making money in a wholesome way. That's what counts.
Also, it's keeping me off the streets and out of trouble.
Sex has been unenjoyable lately. That like, REALLY SUCKS. EXCEPT WITH ACTUALLY ANY SUCKING GOING ON. D:
I'm actually looking for an heir for EM. If I continue like this, I can't be there for my brothers and sisters all the time.
Kei is talking more, now. Both Japanese and English. Might teach him some Korean when he's...I dunno... five or something.
Shop is doing well, aside from the usual vandelism.
Good news; I haven't potentionally killed someone in four weeks.
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|
| Not... much. |
[November 11th|11.16pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 stressed |
] |
Dreamed I was a woman last night. And I had to go save the good guy of the story.
Or was that me all along? Oh shit, I don't remember.
Tomorrow I get to meet with some chibis from the smaller gangs around town at church.
Church of Christ, Eastside. On Martin Luther Bl. It's not far.
Just RIGHT next to the police sation. >_<
Dammit! Why do they make me so anxious feeling?
Is it because I can't go to juvi anymore?
I've been becoming scared.
Really scared.
-----------------------------
People look at me funny at class. At school, there.
I know I have an accent, but is it really all that noticeable?
I dress nicely when I go to class. I don't dress like a slut.
I'm polite and keep to myself.
This society is so foriegn to me!
Why don't people like me?
Do I really look like a girl?
Is it the scars on my arms?
Is it funny when I try to pronounce the hard and complicated scientific terms?
Why can't I fit in?
I fit in at work alright enough, because I work hard to prove my worth.
I work hard at school. I always have.
Why do I feel like a disease?
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|
|
[November 8th|10.14pm] |
Really tired.
I finally gave in, too.
I'm volunteering a few hours on Sunday at a church close here.
You know, to help out gang members not be so gang-ish. And stuff.
Aw shit, I don't know.
I don't know what the hell I'm doing anymore.
|
|
| past things. |
[October 18th|9.12pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
apathetic |
] |
It's been two years and two days since I was raped and beaten on East Slauson Ave.
Time flies.
The physical scars have been healed for the most part (save my cardio vascular system),
but the emotional has not.
I wonder what I would have been like, if my parents moved to East LA, instead of where I live now.
I would have joined one of the Asian gangs, I'm sure.
Would I have been happier?
I know I'd be in jail, if I weren't dead already.
And I'd be dying from heart disease cause by smoking, because Stevie never made me promise not to smoke.
I'd be a lot less bold, a lot less assertive, and less feared, which in turn makes me more vulnerable to being raped or something.
I wouldn't have Kei or Bambi.
I wouldn't have met Emily.
I wouldn't have the friendships with Darren, Juliet or Zach that I have now.
But I'd be with my people.
But do I really want that?
The Asian gangs are too violent, for my taste.
A lot of the gangs around here are. 13th street, for instance.
I'm happy. Happy where I am. Happy in this vida loca.
|
|
| Eligibility? |
[October 5th|6.44pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 calm |
] |
Hey Stevie -- as long as you don't get arrested for anything else, you can seal your Juvi records and are still eligible to become a cop! I'm going to head into the station tomorrow tomorrow sometime to look at my own records, and make sure I'm still eligible. Prolly not, but, it's worth try.
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[September 12th|1.24pm] |
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[August 31st|11.50pm] |
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In love. Yes.
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| I'm just glad I didn't get Draco's girlfriend. |
[August 5th|1.27pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
amused |
] |
HAHAHAHA! Nathan and I got the same result! (yes, this is a quiz for GIRLS.... but I couldn't help it, for Nate. XD) Snagged from ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=92.2) elise_maxwell.
8sigh* I am the apple of Mrs. McGonagall's eye! OMGSQUEE!
I'm not all that athletic myelf, though... >_>;;;
OMG OLIVER WOOD! <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3
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anxious
Dear Santa...